Submitted by Mary Kay Hafer, School Psychologist

Adapted from NASP Handouts

Kids have stress?

      Stress is a feeling of discomfort that is experienced somewhat differently by children compared to adults, and from one person to another. Stressful events for kids might include: parents’ divorce, abuse or neglect, poverty, school failure, illness, moving to a new home, a new baby in the home, etc. Some stress consists of small everyday hassles that kids learn to cope with. Other stressors are more significant. The perception of stress is also related to experience and development – what is stressful for one person may not even amount to a small hassle for another person. Can you remember a time when something happened that nearly sent you “through the ceiling” in anger, even though on another day the same event might not have even bothered you? Indeed, our thoughts do often control our moods.

      The symptoms of stress in children may be difficult to distinguish from symptoms of minor illness. Irritability, sleeping problems, toileting or eating difficulties, fearfulness, difficulty adapting to change in routines, clinginess may be more common in younger children. Attention seeking behavior, mood change, avoidance of certain activities, isolation from family and friends, school refusal or changes in school grades and sleeping difficulties/physical complaints may be more common with older kids. 

How can I help my child?

1. Try not to place expectations on your child that are unrealistic. We all want our children to be successful and we should have reasonable expectations for their behavior; but when stress starts to show itself, it may be time to question whether or not the expectations have been too high.

2. Listen to your child when he or she describes stressful events or situations. Being a good listener will, first of all, reassure your child that you are there with love and support. Moreover, it may help you to better understand how you can help.

3. Teach your child good problems-solving skills. The feeling that there is too much to do in the amount of time available to us, is a frequent cause of stress. Help your child learn to break big problems into smaller ones that can be dealt with one at a time. Talk with them about how you have handled stressful situations.

4. Rehearse stressful situations. If speaking in front of the class for a presentation, or making an important phone call is a cause for stress, it can be helpful to talk through the event with your child. Discuss how he or she wants the event to take place, and then go through the situation together in a “trial run”. The practice is good, and possible difficulties can be “problem solved” together.

5. Be aware of irrational thinking patterns. “If…then” statements frequently mask core beliefs that people accept as true, even if they have never questioned them logically. These are beliefs like “I’m not a very loveable person” or “the world is a cruel place, and the only way to survive is by doing everything perfectly”. Help your child to look at life, and himself, more realistically and more positively in order to reduce unnecessary stress.

6. Relaxation. There are a number of good relaxation tapes on the market and classes one can attend as well. Most of them emphasize the importance of sitting or lying down and breathing slowly from deep in the stomach, rather than breathing where the shoulders or chest is in motion. Some find that imagining one self in a favorite place that is warm and inviting, comfortable and beautiful can also help. Though relaxation techniques are useful for diminishing the feeling of stress, they do little to keep stress from reoccurring. Rehearsing a stressful situation before it occurs again may be an additional strategy to consider. 

7. Lastly, exercise is not only a good way to relax, but a good way to reduce both the physical and emotional effects of a stressful day!